so cory, in cory fashion, decided to host a final frederick area ride. everyone pleaded for a casual, slow, flat ride. we brought our singlespeeds to help with the argument. but, as nick predicted:

9:57 AM

me: I think we can talk him outta it.

me: by getting him really drunk the nite before

nick: you mean tonight

me: yeah

nick: that’ll just make him want to do it more

and earlier

and faster

me: yer right

damn

nick: and in more absurd outfits

Sure enough, the next morning Cory was wearing the ugliest pants in the world. Think: plain pjs that mated with grey prison pants. In a post communist eastern block kinda way.

So it all started friday nite. We went to Cara’s house aka Cory’s sideyard for some light vegetarian stuff and beer. The 6 people present quickly cakt’ed the 30 pack of PBR, and reinforcements arrived in the form of Starmer and his CREDIT CARD.

We picked up at least 100 more beers, as well as sparks and some wack south american firewater, as well as a big bottle of wine. Gary (recently shot in the face) proceeded to drink all of everything, the whole wine bottle, alot of firewater, at least 1 sparks, as well as numerous beers. Needless to say, the next day, he kicked everyones ass, on a fixie with out brakes and a super cut down handlebar and a headset missing the upper half. in toe clips.

Anyway, we all got crunk, started a fire in a trash barrel, and passed out like driftwood on the beach in the summer with i have no idea where this analogy is going.

rob becomes cory’s front hub

Cara shies away from Cory’s explosive gas

Cory misses Veronika. This is how he copes.

Gary’s face was slightly swollen from getting SHOT IN THE FACE.

Does this count as a money shot?

The next morning, we all went to breakfast where I had to prechew all of Gary’s food, cause his inner mouth is still all stitched up.

We headed up to the South Mountain Creamery to start our ride. Nick, city boy, kept complaining about the zoo smell.

Cory, in ultra dubious Cory fashion, ropes two bikes to my bike, because his roof rack was made in sweden. (china)

The ride started off with about a mile of easy rollers, and then suddenly the nice veneer washed away and we turned on to a wall of a dirt road.

This road is so steep that the picture actually makes it look steep. Normally cameras flatten stuff out.

Notice the Cory is the only one who is happy. I obviously took this while sprinting past these guys.

The wall progessively got steeper, until we were crawling up the road, with Cory top-roping. We finally summited the mountain, Cory only having had to get off once for above group picture. The view at the top was sublime. Perhaps it was the lack of oxygen going to my brain.

Here is Nick at the top. You cant see his face, but it is saying: why the shit do I go on these totally fucked up ridiculous zoo rides with these bumpkins?

We visited Damien and Becky at the halfway point, but all the pictures looked like crap sticks. Sorry. She made us pancakes and Damien gave us a taste of the high life. Miller High Life. It was good.

Immediately after pancakes, we started 5 miles of climbing. It was a good thing I wore Birkenstocks, there was a lot of walking.

Nick, wondering when Washington County will learn about mountain top removal.

Its too bad this isnt a video: Gary and I crawling up Reno Monument Road, the longest nastiest steepest road ever. We had to switch back up the whole way. I stopped once, no walking. Gary never stopped. I thought his neck wound would explode.

This is me, when I stopped about half way up. Note ultra stiff riding shoes.

This was officially the hardest ride ever. It wouldnt have been bad on a moped. With disc brakes. But the combo of singlespeeds, beer ingestion and singlespeeds made it extra hard. Everyone had a good time though, except Nick, who only does these rides for DC street cred and spoke cards.

(Editor’s note: Cory will posthumously grant the riders spoke cards, once he get to the czech republic, just don’t forget to remind him!! -cory)