the dirty saddle cover, why did i bring my single speed, i think i left my spare lungs at home, cory is back, but just for 72 hours, ride of dirty dirt death
or the dscwdibmssitilmslahcibbjf78hddr, for short.
NEWS FLASH: the ride will be dec 2, a sunday, start around 1pm, and end up back at cory’s un-shanty for grill, booze, fire and a small black and white cat. exact meeting location to be disclosed.
as pictures from last years ride of death, aka the hardest ride ever, will attest, these rides are hard. nick died 3 times, only to be revived by alternately waving spoke cards in front of his eyes and cow crap under his nose. gary almost died, but ran off into the woods instead. cory didn’t die at all, but secretly blew a gasket. i died over 3,000 times, or everytime there was 1 foot of elevation gain. luckily there was about the same about of elevation loss, so in the end i went home mostly alive.
here are pictures, for attesting purposes: (scroll way down for semi interesting details on the upcoming ride)
gary never walks. gary is walking. nick likes to walk. he brought his walking pants.
gary has black socks. nick has black socks. gary has a water bottle stolen from a kids bike.
nick is tying his shoe while throwing up. gary looks away in disgust.
nick searches for a way out: perhaps a rock to beam cory with. i pretend like i am climbing, but really i am about to fall of my bike.
remember kids, safety in numbers.
as you can see, there was some walking. there was some crying. there was spritual enlightenment in the form of miller high life and a flask. was there? i cant remember. there was ice cream, and a ‘zoo smell’.
all of this is to mainly drum of excitement, terror and a decent period of time to make excuses as to why you wont be able to make it to the dscwdibmssitilmslahcibbjf78hddr.
i have already made commemorative dscwdibmssitilmslahcibbjf78hddr t shirts, stickers, beer steins, beer mugs, pint glasses, pilsner glasses, imperial pint glasses, snifters, flasks, patches, key fobs, a limited edition subaru outback sport ls, hoody, coaster, condom, embroidered boxers, briefs and thongs, dscwdibmssitilmslahcibbjf78hddr awareness pins, hats, thumb warmers, and coffee mugs, dscwdibmssitilmslahcibbjf78hddr blend coffee, tea, chai, dscwdibmssitilmslahcibbjf78hddr bottled water, and i have signed, limited edition ridelugged approved cory portraits, which are hand drawn on dirty white selle italia flite saddle covers. these will go fast, and at a premium, so get your bidding in now.
as for time, date and recommended stuff to brung/brang, well, i reckon, thats kinda up to cory. hell, he doesnt even know i planned this shit yet. we might even have to do it without him.
its gunna be sometime betwixt nov 30 and dec 2. i dont know when yet. sorry. fuck you. i said i was sorry. asshole. i hate iphones.
sub 30 miles, loads and loads of painful climbing, lots of dirt, dirty dirt, start in meyersville to make the environmentalists pissed off. i’m going to try to have rob go predrive it, to make sure it all makes sense. rob, sunday drive? if not, thats ok. ride profile at routeslip under why did i bring my single speed, under user name ride lugged.
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thanks for the edit
James, got your phone message…but had to sleep for like 18 hours to regain some sort of….fuck, different story.
I’ll predrive it and maybe even preride it.
HA…
sure.
As far as routeslip goes, it looks pretty tame.
I’ll drive it though and make sure there’s nothing too easy about it. Perhaps I’ll stash some stuff too…
hmmmm…
I do not “like to walk.” I arrived hungover to this ride that was incorrectly described to me as “leisurely.”
Also, the 3 deaths you mention are only the physical deaths. My spirit died too that day.
correction: nick hates walking. he likes strolling. also, he wore his ’strolling pants’ not his walking pants.
the author stands apologetic and corrected.
if we described rides accurately, no one would show up.
I think folks are starting to catch on though, perhaps you should describe them as death rides and make them ice cream rambles for a bit, just to keep people guessing.
I wonder if that is the Gary I know from Annapolis/Baltimore.
it would be
I’m in. Got a link to route slip so I can decide on gears or not?
casey fix the spelling of Myersville on routeslip, so it’s a bit easier to find!
and the link is
http://www.routeslip.com/routes/67178
not a huge amount of dirt. but I know most of the hills and one or two are pretty steep goings.
I also like that the steepest climb is only 2 miles from the end. Plus we could probably have a warm beverages pit stop at mile 27 at the Benson family compound, and add another short quick steep paved climb, if need be.
according to gmaps, there is a fair mount of dirt.
no one else is coming to the ride, so my misspelling myersville dont matter.
cory do you want gears (old barely functional falcon) or your old fixie with drops and a frontish brake?
speak now or forever sice your malone box.
fix it up yo!
(the falcon sounds scary. i’d rather run what i know. it’s pretty light anyway.)
Oh, should we cross post over to the bike site to see if any of those kids want to join, or should we remain the elitists that we are?
frankly, i am sick of trying to cross over. i used to spend lots of time advertising, making flyers, going into shops, ect. i think the only people who ever show up are people who already read the blog. which is fine. at least we know where thier sense of humor lies.
Drove the course tonight. Should be fairly instant death with the weather that is predicted. One or two steep climbs…HAHAHAHAHAHA….I’d be more worried about the descents on a fixed gear. There’s only like three or four miles of dirt…lot’s of scenery though. Awesome route for those in shape and dressed properly and with enough fuel.