Ride Lugged

1. to pedal a bicycle along the edge or gutter of a rugged or rutted path in an attempt to find less demanding, smoother passage. ex. I just rode 500km from Prague to Vienna, and some of the roads were so rough I had to paris-roubaix that shit.

.

.

.

.

Mel has been riding some sugino xd 500s for a while now, but for some reason, no matter what, they get chain suck. not every ride, not every shift, but sometimes it happens. And its not her fault. I rode it and the same thing sporatically happens to me. What gives? Changed the rings, changed the chain… She knows how to shift… Anyway, I have been planning on getting rich and buying her either the white industries road double or a pair of TA cranks, set up as a wide range double. That would be minimum 200 bucks though, 200 bucks I dont have. Unless my couch is holding out on me.

Anyway, digging and shooting shit at freeze thaw the other day, and ran across some SR apex cranks. Never heard of them. Minor interweb research led me to believe they were introduced around 1980-1981, had a short market life, and the world moved onto the soon to be standard 11o BCD we all know and sort of love.

here they are, prior to some time with some polish and steel wool, and they still have all 3 rings

118 BCD, came stock with 48/46/28 rings, looked to have a low Q, used standard bolts, standard crank puller, SR made them so they were probally cold forged… nice finish and low wear despite the years in a dust pile. I traded a salsa stem for them, made them a wide range 46/28 double, and slapped them on Mel’s Atlantis.

they look sharp I think. more elegant than the sugino cranks. lighter, lower q.

Ahh lower Q factor. Mel doesnt really know or care about Q factor. But we went for a ride yesterday, and she said something like “why does my bike feel so fast?” also, perhaps more bizarre: “why do i feel more stretched out?” well, didnt know Q did that…. But check out the tread photo:

if this were the 1990s, and it was a basketball game and not a bike part set up thing, and you had made a basket from say, 3 yards beyond the 3 point line, you would say booyah.

OK what else?

Sorry, this post will just go on and on and on and on.

Mel hasnt been on a mtn bike for a while. Last summer. Like me. I suck, I bet she does too. Logs? Ahhhh! Ok so we took a cue from Rob’s Christine course. And set up some obstacles.

start with a rock garden. rock and brick garden that is. you cant not hit some rocks, its a good thing.

log. not big, not small, just right.

log pile with easy finish. for now.

really annoying square edged stutter bumps. ratchet pedal. ratchet!

tiny north shore thing. for balance and confidence building. ends in a drop off.

said drop off. note quality construction.

ends with a teeter totter. easy, but fun. to come: bigger logs, more rocks, a jump. Mel likes jumping.

What else?

Our power went out a while ago, and I decided to try to make an olive oil lamp. I used a tiny glass jar, a rag for a wick, olive oil, and a coat hanger. It worked pretty well, for a while. Then I dont think the kink in my hanger was tight enough. The flame just kept creeping closer to the olive oil.

would cino cinelli hate on me?

I’ve been working on yard salads: using mostly stuff from the yard to put in wraps, have for dinner, etc. I have added dandilion greens now, but this is what i generally use.

I’ve been reworking some images into quadtone images. Here is a sample image, in quadtone and a link to the flickr gallery where more live.

.

By the light of the day the pimp’s yellow ochre suit is plain beige. The rotting wooden trailer out front is the same emerald green as the swing that sat under the willow tree for years after the willow had blown down in a windstorm, 15 feet from the porch where I slept, dead to the sound of the willow tree’s instant death. Now, 10 years later, a small willow grows from the base of the old tree’s trunk. The porch swing became art, the emerald green lending is patina to pieces about Abraham Lincoln and satellite radio. Memories are traded for cash and endorsed checks.

The porch furniture caught in the amber are invisible behind the dirty off white curtain, the illusion reserved for night rides only. The snake smell is just musty now, like a mouse dead in some remote corner of the house, reduced to powder and bones. There are no competitors out today, just the wind, heavy and high, pounding through every turn, making even the steepest downhills into high RPM chores. The splinter in my foot throbs on difficult climbs. The wrong foot placement could lead to a limp leg, as the pain shoots to the kneecap and saps it of structural strength. The lapis lazuli cascade has 3 kids playing in it, 2 teenage moms watch, bored. Not 6 years ago they were playing in that same stream. Now they just it watch it go by, the sparkling water holds no more interest than the latest congressional race, or the biker passing by, observing their life for 3 seconds at 27 mph.

I’m building miles slowly. Today I rode to school, and back, 6 miles total, and then my short local loop, 8 miles, then to the Giant, 3.5 miles, and then I’m heading back to school, 6 miles again, riding home in the dark at 11 or so. I’m eating a spoonful of ice cream a day, and loads of salad and grainy bits. I’m drinking lots of room temperature water, and extra fiber English muffins. My sweat has cooled to a dry powder on my forehead.

_______________________________________________

A tale of two one point fives:

I have an idea, its not mine and I don’t remember who said it, but Sean’s recent comment brought it to mind again, and I’ll put the two thoughts together to make one newish thought.

I was always told to hold my handlebars loosely, like they were 1.5 times bigger than they actually are. This way, the bike and rider could react to bumps, and small directional changes, and still sort of auto–pilot its way through stuff. In other words, a loose grip actually meant more control, less wasted energy, and a more ‘ready for anything’ stance. I took this bit of wisdom and applied it. I loosesed up and found more control, less fatigue and more power for my legs, that otherwise would have gone to my hands and forearms. I could ride rigid and not be beat up. I could ride skinny tires off road. I could descend really nasty rocky stuff with crappy brakes and be ok. I ditched my fat oury grips and got big cheeze grips. They were smaller and harder, making it easier and more nessesary to loosen my grip. On my road bikes I switched from cork to cotton. Same deal. I can ride for dozens of miles and not experience numbness or a sketchy front end, because of how I hold my bars.

Instead of increasing headset diameter on road bikes (and don’t think its not coming to mtn bikes, or comfort bikes) why dont we re-teach this old chunk of wisdom. Let’s trade 1.5 inch headsets for theoretical 1.5x larger diameter handlebars. We could start by getting rid of all that gel tape nah nah, and foam pad hooo hoo and get people riding cinelli tape, or medium density stella or (gasp) cloth.

This would also expose undersized bikes, and poor riding positions. Lots of gel and saddle cut-outs do wonders for hiding bad bike fit. Its a win win situation. Really.

i was talking to a local rider and friend, and fellow penn state art program guy eric roman the other day. yesterday actually. and we were sitting at the table cory designed, and talking about people we knew, and found that we both knew a number of philly folks, and meg, so there meg, eric says hey. he held up his fingers, pressed them together and said “the east coast scene is still this big”, or something like that. imagine a fellow 11 years older than me but 40 lbs lighter, who only rides a singlespeed, and still races in the pro class, and has lots of tattoos, and you sort of get an idea of what he looks like. we were looking at my witcomb (was meg’s) and it has the new sachs new success cranks on it, which are sharp looking by anyone’s gauge. he told me they were made by campy using record (or was it chorus) molds, and just branded sachs, which made them sort of under the radar cool. really though, they are the most polished thing on the bike, so they arnt that under the radar. this makes me wonder though: should i be using a campy taper bottom bracket, because i am not, and have logged at least 200 miles on them, and they seem fine, stiff smooth low Q, and silver. eric said: they arnt light but butter never is, or something like that but more clever and off the cuff.

all of those thoughts stem out of me sitting here, next to mel (well she got up for something, oh a shot of slivovice, which stinks like medice, thanks cory, medice from 1932, in its original bottle. she’s back now, and reading the newest reader, with her tea and shot of czech booze. and i am looking at those cranks, which, sharp looking as they are, manage to look clunky next to my lyotard Berthet pedals. made of stamped steel, these pedals are somehow bigger, more comfortable, curvy, and lighter than any quill pedal out there, and their hollow stamped windows and swoopy lines remind me of a late 1930s roadster more than any other pedal i can think of. they look like they were drawn using a set of french curves, by a designer who only looked at war time alfa romeros. only alfa romeros didnt look that swoopy when the berthet pedal was invented in 1923ish. they make the otherwise super elegant sachs cranks look like overkill, huge cold forged arms, fat low pro spider. of course even these look lighter and more svelt than new campy stuff. outboard bearings never did anything positive to a bike’s aesthetic, which, i like to think is at least partially why sean goes through all that trouble to hide them. those ridges on the outside of the bearing shells (for external bbs not the vertigo ones) are cool like those sun shade visor things you see on the back windows of 85 iroc-Zs and mustangs. FLASH: they are called sun louvers, which makes them even more lame sauce in clown town, to combine a sean-ism and dave-ism. FLASH: mel just turned off the celtic music. thank god.

I recently picked up a cycling magazine that wasnt the reader, to prove that i keep up with the contemporary world madness of our times. in it found such treasure like 1.5 inch headsets for road bikes (ok they really didnt need to move beyond 1 inch, ok threadless if you are that guy, but 1.5 inch? functional advantages: now you and your bike can look like you dope. claimed advantages: stiffer front end for more positive cornering. now, i have to provide a disclaimer here: i’ve never ridden at 60+ down a huge mountain on a more or less perfectly smooth road on a course that has been precleared for obstacles. but i have descended down sketchy dirt roads at over 45 mph with a one inch threaded headset, a nitto stem with tons of quill showing, and 39cm wide bars that are over 40 years old, with centerpull brakes, and never once, not once, was i aware of, or concerned for front end deflection. and i am fatter than those racy dudes, and carry at least 10lbs in my handle bar bag. if anyone should feel it, it’s me. so it is at this point that i officially say: stop it. just stop it. stop it, please stop it. its gone beyond making me mad, it actually makes me tear up. i’m not planning on having kids, but this is the madness that future children will be born into. a culture that thinks of threaded steerers like you and i think about bushing chains: little if at all.

i was out riding today, just before dinner, a 12ish mile loop that takes me up some steep hills so i can get my singlespeed legs back on. i was riding my witcomb, traditional sized tubing, 1980s race geometry, 40cm bars, cloth tape, wheels that cory had on the second worst bike in the world, one speed. i was having an ok ride, not moving as fast as i was last night, when i saw the holy grail: two cyclists up ahead, roadies, climbing out of the saddle. catch them. that’s what to try to do. lately, my shape has been such that that would have been a pipe dream. but i sprinted, hard, and caught them, and blew past them, nicely, with a comment about the nasty headwind but the nice temps, and then tried to hold my lead. i had to beat them up the next climb (as soon as i passed them, they started after me, pride is a wonderful motivator) and down a series of steep, swooping descents, and then up a series of stepped climbs. I held my lead, my single speed being perfectly geared for out of the saddle mashing on this particular grade. i out descended them too, and perhaps by now they had given up. but no, right around the bend, there they were, sprinting out of the saddle on a flat. you don’t do that with gears unless you A. ‘ know how to ride or B. are trying to catch someone. Miraculously though, i had found the spin zone, and just sat and spun my tits off, as they say. held the lead for 6 miles. then i broke. my stomach developed a cramp you could sell to the CIA for interrogation purposes. my legs turned to mush. i almost fell off the bike from the cramp it was so bad. it was like getting shot with a .22 at close range but without the click bang. it was like having a guy inside of you crash his 4 inch buick lesabre into your colon. it hurt. i wobbled on my bike. i paid for my lead. i came home and did unspeakable things to the bathroom. i’m getting ready to race.

..

..

everyone was sitting in my backyard, about to watch anchor man on the 6 foot projection screen.  yay.  so i went for a nite ride out on my local 8 mile farm country loop.  nite rides are usually 95 percent great: sometimes they are a little too cold, and you arnt ready for it, sometimes you get bugs in your teeth if it is too close to sundown, sometimes you have a semi scary run it with a motorist.  tonite it was the smell.

Everything gets sharpened at nite, no where more so than near a body of water.  Sounds, little movements, and smells become more noticeable.  Your wheels are slightly out of round,  your tires corner better in right turns  than left, your spin is only good for 50 yards.  tonite there is road kill somewhere.  And I can smell it for miles around.  Dead snakes have a particular smell, like a skunk but more pungent, less sickly sweet.  the smell comes in waves with the hills, like a radio station in a car driving through the mountains.

Away from the smell, there were moments of beauty.  The landscape is reduced to large cutout shapes, the mountains to the left are a slow moving herd of dinosaurs, the houses pass like ships at sea, the windows provide the sole definition of the house’s shape.  A cascading stream, the almost full moon catches the water and lights it up, brighter than the reflective mail box reflectors that buzz by: huge round fire flies.  The water is a beacon, a series of lapis lazuli slashes at a black velvet canvas, sparkling like the interior of Joseph Cornell’s dreams.

A barn on a hill, vertical yellow ochre aluminum siding,  a single light turning it into a pimp’s pin stripes under a street corner, Baltimore, 1963.  A house with a porch light turns porch curtains into amber sheets, the silhouettes of the porch furniture becomes the bugs trapped in the amber.  My breath is ragged from the cold air, by bottle stuck in my handlebar bag, more or less out of reach, its normal spot taken by my big battery.

The road flies by.  Few cars pass, I charge up hills, barreling down the middle of the road where the pavement is smoothest.  The stream in the valley is a neon sign, blinking fitfully as my bike shakes and lurches past, my legs unable to keep up with the pace of pedaling 25 mph downhill.  The cows are playing pinochle in their barn, the chickens have a night light on, my painting teacher gets ready to leave for NYC, I see her round form gathering objects through her massive new windows.  I see Paul in his garage, listlessly wheeling his bike around, and I think about the race, and how I will have to get up at 3 Am and ride harder than I can possibly think about, faster than I believe I can, and longer than I want to.  It will be like this, but better.

so the 24 hours of big bear is coming up. 2 months in which to lose 50 lbs, learn how to grind for 2 hour internals, and to make incredibly complicated lists and prepatory plans. last year i took a series of steps to make life more comfortable at the camp, including but not limited to: bringing a giant blue tarp that took the better part of a day to set up, and then took the rest of the day and night to maintain due to high winds, a hollow core door table with sawhorse legs, and huge wood clamps to clamp down the stove, paper towels, ect. it was the most planned trip yet. and it payed off, although it took over 2 days to fully set up. practical? schmactical. not tactical. wackticle? yes. wackticle. wackticle.

as you can see from my handy diagram, there is always a big mess, big waste of door/counter space, etc. this lead me to remember that thing called boy scouts, you know, where you light small trees on fire and stuff them into latrines, or maybe you remember it as your first introduction to smut. or perhaps you remember it as the time that you told the newbie to put his tent on the ant hill, or the low ground in a rain storm, or put logs under the scout master’s tent to improve his sleeping ergonomics. whatever your memories might be, one that almost all cool scouts share is the memory of the chuck box, which lesser troops called the patrol box. we were more democratic than that. now even though my troop, 443, thought that winning the klondike derby was simply a matter of stealing the other troops flags and burying them in the woods, we did know how to wield a power tool. or at least someone’s dad did. we had the nicest, heaviest, most tiger tank-esque chuck boxes this side of a d-day pill box. i think the guy who put them together adhered to the following rules: the box must contain as much plywood as possible. normal patrol boxes might take 1-1.25 sheets of plywood. our had at least 4 sheets, as well as all brass hardware taken from a clipper ship, and sized appropriately. our hinges alone weighed more than a coleman stove and 2 weeks of fuel.

the carpenter also thought that if 4 scouts were needed to carry a normal patrol box, and more is better, why not make it so that at least 8 scouts were needed, plus a sixteen scout relief crew. inevitably, our camp grounds were muddy or snowy, or perferably both, so footing was dubious at best, and scouts constantly fell and were tramped by the remaining 7. you couldnt stop, or the whip would fall! when camp was finally set up, there was the inevitable roll call, and the ‘where’s robbie?’ questions. well. we never found him. presumably the mud got him.

if it wasnt raining, sleeting, and or well below freezing, we werent camping. what were we doing? practicing knots. not! ohhhhhhhhhhh that was bad. mainly we watched robbie chew (true story) on the asbestos columns that supported the ceiling the squalid basement that was our troop headquarters. that was before the mud got him. then later, brandy johnson got him. but thats a different story, involving bad haircuts, knife fights, and assault rifle wake up calls.

right so, chuck boxes are fantastic.  instead of schelping  (spell check starmer?) 4 boxes of supplies, a table, saw horses, clamps, and so on, you can make a really heavy wooden box that has compartments to organize everything, and becomes a ’strong like bear’ table.  also, chuck boxes have room for the kitchen sink.  er the camp kitchen sink.  we always brought two tupperware bins for the dishes.  tight.  so i have been pining for a chuck box for a while now, not unlike how i sometimes pine for cheap gold colored bolos and scratchy polyester knee high socks.

i sat down, did some net research, poured a dram for my fallen scouts, and drew up some plans.  i happen to have a grade A- piece of maple plywood in the shed.  its appropriately heavy, although i’m sure i’ll have to add some ballast.

FYI, starmer has one that sounds appropriately huge and hard to use, but claims we dont have the man power to move it.  i suggested he crank out a few dozen kids in time for the race, or at least steal them from mexico.  his response is pending.

Seeing as I’m mildly illiterate I don’t write essays about bikes. I barely write at all. I ran across this site with some essays targeted at bicycles and stuff.

BikeReader / Essays

.

.

Little does cory know that this actually costs 1 dollar a link. buahahaha. Cory has a mountain bike, and supposedly he is getting a cross bike. What he doesnt have is a cory proof townie bike. As far as I can tell, cory likes bikes that almost look 100 percent rad, but have 5% or so built in wack factor, ie a disc brake on a really lite bike, or a shitty saddle cover on an otherwise fine looking road frame. Cory likes to do dumb shit, like drop off loading docks when he is drunk, or ride up berms on a fixie, ect. He broke some AM classic road racing wheels within weeks of owning them, by riding them very off road. I have ridden and even owned a cory townie bike, the brakes didnt work the frame was covered in rust, ect. What follows is my interpretation of what cory would like to have in a townie bike (a challenging yet enjoyable ride, the ability to take it off road, on half centuries, ect, the ability to do no maintenace for 3 years and still have the pedals turn, wheels that dont break, a big basket for beer, and a rear rack for whatever, almost super classy asethics, ect ect)

Here we go-

Frame and Fork- This is hard. Cory is by turns super picky/doesnt give a fuck. I am going to say 650 B-able frame set: Big tires roll fastish, but are fat enough to provide cush without the weight of a 29er. Also, quirky. Thats a plus. I’m going with an Oswald: he does really clean work, his fork crown is hotter than hell, and he is a PA frame builder who doesnt use any powertools in his shop. Rad. This Lugset, with this crown. We’ll say dark grey with Creme lug lining, no logos, just headbadge, preferably cut from a piece of core-ten, so it progressivly stains the headtube. forward facing horizontal dropouts, campy style, with the mech hanger filed off, and an extra eyelet brazed on. $2200

Headset: Cory thinks that 1.125 inch headsets are the deal, for no real reason. I am gunna be a bitch, and give him an old school 1.25 threadless headset, mainly to get his goat. King made one, and we’ll find it on ebay. $140

Stem: Custom Oswald. Fillet Brazed with a bell mount on it. $120

Bars: Origin Dirt Drops. Not super elegant, but they seem to have a deeper drop and a longer reach than the on-ones. Modified as needed with wooden dowels. $60

Bar Tape: This is hard. What wears like Iron but doesnt feel like crap? I am going with japanese track grips, say, dark orange? $17

Levers: Ok, only one brake, but two levers. For comfort. The newish Paul fixie lever is pretty hot, but frankly not in a great place for decents. Cory likes all road levers it seems, but I think for this application a modolo lever set will work great. Strong, good modulation, ect ect. $65

Brake: Just a front brake, yo, cause the end result is a fixie. We’ll go with a strong one, some vintage Paul Stop Lites. Hard to find, but I know a place. $65

Front Rack: This is just a dream bike, so we’ll get our rack from ant, who only supplies them on bikes he makes. Wooden planks and a place for the U lock. Hot. $175

Rear Rack: Ant again. Cant pass it up. $175

Saddle: Cory hates brooks, for again, no good reason. He says they are heavy then rides a 32 lbs Ti monster. So we need something classy yet comfortable. WTB’s SST saddle was really nice, until they did away with it. Maybe we can find one in the bargain bin. We want the nice one without the stitching, and a full leather cover, of course. $10

Seat Post: Cory really likes Thompson, but for this application we are going to go with something a little more esoteric. Say a cook bros post with built in reflector. it adjusts with shims, which is super annoying to get dialed. Perfect. $120

Front Light: Schmitt e-6. its the best and most bomber there is. $109

Tail Light: B and M with stand lite. Dont get wacked again cory… $35

Front Hub: The Ultergra Level Dynamo Hub, 36 hole for durability sake. $90

Rear Hub: High Flange Paul Components hub, 36 hole, polished silver: bomber rear axel, big bearings, adjustable sealed bearings, ridiculous finish. $120

Spokes: Durability here is paramount, not weight. Cory loves to ride his wheels barely tensioned, with at least 5 spokes hanging more or less tensionless and bent. For this reason, XL 14s wont work. We need Wheelsmith’s DH 13/14/13 gauge spokes which you could shred logs and small childrens limbs with. $80

Rims: Cory is secretly french, so we’ll go with the bomb proof, double eyeleted, french made rigida 650b rims. 520 grams of touring style toughness. $100

Tires: Gran Bois Hetre Tires. Super spendy, very hot, 650b x 44, clay red with tan sidewalls. Sub 400 grams. Why? You’d be hard pressed to pinch flat a tire that fat, but its still very fast due to its minimal tread. Perfect for city biking, bike paths, touring, slowish centuries, and lets not forget the bling factor. $130

Fenders: Biggest Honjo’s made 650b/58mm. I feel like Honjos are less prone to rattle loose: SKS fenders have so much hardware that they seem to never stay adjusted, and when riding off road, the fender bounces around and wacks the tire. Not good. $80

Bottom Bracket: 113mm SKF, stainless spindle. SKF invented the sealed cartridge bearing, and they still make really nice ones. The only sealed cartridge in the MOMA. $80

Cranks: Syncros Revolution Cranks. Steel, (we’ll get them repainted to match the bike) canadian, rarish, strong as crap, and not too heavy. Ebay is a great place. $100ish

Pedals: Rivendell Grip Kings. Made by MKS, so you know they’ll last long. Perfect for riding barefoot. $50

Chain: Izumi super toughness. Its super tough, yo. $60

Cog: Euro Asia 18 tooth. Its retardedly spendy. Gotta mean something. $120

$4,111, not including pump, or any bags. Not too bad, again. The thing is, this bike wouldnt be just a townie. It would be a fun bike for almost any outing, outside of serious mtn biking, or really hilly touring. Again, if we went with say, a surly pacer frame, the price would become much more reasonable. $2300. It wouldnt suck, it just wouldnt be as rad. We could still use the 650B tires, with rivendell’s ultra long reach dual pivot caliper. I think if cory takes issue with anything it will be the square taper bb, the saddle, and maybe the 650b ness of it. Thats just a guess though. Whaddya say cory?

so, i just sent a letter to rob, which he will get in a few days.  see, i do this thing.  where normal people day dream about new kitchen floors, dream vacations, hot dudes or girls, piles of money, ect, i day dream about building rad bikes for people i know.  i take into account everything i know about that person, ie daniel hates maintenance, so his bikes have to be overbuilt, with sealed bearings, and tough wheels, ect.  mark rides with finesse and likes very simple parts, like sugino cranks and 90s diacompe cantis.  john needs tandem quality stuff, he keeps knackering rear wheels, so i would say john’s ideal custom bike would have 145mm rear spacing and a tandem 40 hole hub, laced up with a mavic touring rim and xl 14 spokes.  obviously all of this is beyond anyone i know’s financial reach.  its just for fun.  sometimes i write it down.  i have done so on this blog, even.  it’s probally boring to most people.  but i am facinated by not only the beauty and quality of the possible materials, but also by how inexpensive the perfect bike generally is, in comparison, to say, a high end look frame with dura ace parts, and carbon wheels.  the obvious difference being that my build outs are theoretically meant to last for years, while the 8000 dollar Look is built for a season.

Anyway, as I said, I actually do this for my friends, or people I know, more than I do it for myself.  I have designed lots of bikes for starmer, a few for mark, 1 for john, ect.  The person I have been designing the longest for is starmer, and in fact, he comes closest to actually having built some of my designs.  (his cove, a chunky canadian freeridish bike is still going strong, despite the fact that my build ideas were less than fantastic at the time) his current ghetto white trek hybrid to crappy touring bike conversion works fine, although he wasnt into the moustache bars.  Here is my latest starmer dream bike.  its not his dream, its mine, but with him in mind, ie tough no nonsense parts, standardized everything, so that replacements are easy.  comfortable riding position with plenty of low gears, strong brakes that are easy to adjust, integrated lighting, and versatility.

here it is, my first ‘link bike’ list, so you can see what all the nah nah is about.

Frame:  Waterford lugged.  Fast turnaround, simple lines, fully customizable geometry.  I would say:  72/72 angles, 80mm bb drop, long ass chain stays, 3 water bottle cages, mounted low, clearance for 37mm tires and fenders, canti posts, eyelets for racks and fenders, 47mm fork rake.  lightish tubing, but touring solid.  $2200 ish depending on details, like paint.  Paint recommendation:  black with cream panels.

Headset:  King.  No nonsense, I know he likes them, environmentally friendly, last forever.   $125

Stem:  Nitto technomic delux.  Same as above.  Light, strong, not bad looking, japanese precision.  $44

Nitto Noodle, 46cm.  Has ‘em already, they are plenty stong and good looking.  $60

Levers:  This is a hard one.  I dont really know what he thinks of his tektro campy knockoff.  I personally like the feel of 80s levers, and also their ease of maintance: non aero levers are easy to replace cables on.  I would recommend some diacompe gran compe levers.  They are classy, drilled, and have built in barrel adjusters.  Couldnt find a direct picture, but these suntour levers, if they, uh, had hoods, round drill holes, and barrel adjusters, plus a nicer finish, would be dead ringers.   $40ish

Bar Tape.  This is easy.  Brooks leather.  Dont even ask why. cause you knows why. $80

While we are up front:

Front Rack.  He doesnt have one now, but everyone needs one, really.  Also a good place to mount a light or 3.  Nitto’s are light, elegant, and strong.  I’ll pick the Nitto m-12 because it is even lighter than the others, and has a fender mounting spot.  $60

Need a light or two for that, eh?  The german schmitt e-6 light goes nicely with a generator hub.  Need a switched version, no big deal.  $109

Why not have a back up light, or a light to turn on when you really dont want the marginal extra drag of the hub.  The B and M Ixon is bright enough to climb with, and fairly light.  It can mount on the other side of the rack.  $130

Need a bag for that rack.  I find my Ostrich bag a bit bulky and too large.  Then again, Bertound bags are way expensive.  How about a Rivendell Lil’ Loafer. Downside: you can’t stick a map in it too well.   $80

Bells are bling  $16

Seat post: I think starmer needs setback.  A nitto s 83 should do nicely.  $65

Saddle.  he likes his b-17 champion.  Just needs anouther, for this project.  $100

Saddle Bag: his carradice is nice, but not super classy.  Why not go the full potato with a nigel smyth country bag. (thats it on the back, sorry best photo i could get) More room for sundries, more bling for the ladies.  $170

Fenders:  Honjo extra long, smooth.  Hammered just seems to bling for starmer, and I dont mean that in a bad way.  $80

Wheels:  I love freewheel hubs, but I bet starmer just wants no nonsense good hubs that are easily serviced.  I’d say White Industries Racer X rear hub, which comes apart easily, and can take upgraded enduro max bearings, to last forever $150.  Shimano Ultegra level dynamo hub up front $90.  Rims:  something burly, like a mavic 36 hole touring rim, say the mavic open sport $65.  Spokes are always XL14s, unless its a race bike.  then maybe sapim cx-rays.  $80

Tires:  He’s riding 35mm Paselas now.  Lets just upgrade to Gran Bois Cypres tires, 700/30mm.  Lighter, potentially faster.  $120

Cassette: 7spd Shimano joint.  Last forever.  heavy though.  13/34 mega range.  Ugly but brutally effective.  $30

Chain.  Sram PC 68.  Nicest 8spd chain outside of the rohloff.  $34

Rear Mech:  Vintage 1990s XTR long cage.  Not bad looking, bomb proof, kinda affordable.  $60ish

Ft Mech:  Shimano double ultegra.  No nonsense, works on a wide range double.  $50

Cranks:  White Industries Road cranks.  46/26 gearing is highly versatile and still leaves you with a low Q.  $220

BB:  Phil, I guess.  Maybe an SKS, but the Phil I have works great, although it costs more than 4 shimano XT bbs put together.  $130

Rear Rack:  Park Silver Hupe (30), to support the country bag.

Sundries:  Blackburn frame pump (30), King Cages(30).

Grand total:  4510.  I always go overbudge, ie underestimate.  I bet incidentals would run anouther 50-100, plus shipping would be from 100-200.  Obviously, going with say, a Rivendell Saluki, or a Gunnar frame, would save almost 1000 dollars, with little compromise.  But this is a dream build, without regard to cost, and look how cheap it came out.  I mean, a look 585, with a fairly basic ultegra kit, costs over 5200 dollars.  The 585 isnt even look’s highest end frame.  Its not even its second highest end frame.  You dont get a pump, lights, bags, racks or fenders for that price.

Wow, that was a huge pain in the ass to compile.  Starmer, this is in no way supposed to be a pressure move for you to go out and drop a shit load of cash.  I just do this for fun, and I thought i’d share.  That’s it yo!

.

For OW Houts

OW Houts has always had an aire of sadness. Today that aire became palpable, unavoidable. Today OW Houts annouced, that after 78 years in their present location, they were going to close thier doors forever on January 11th. Rumors that Houts had been nearing it’s end abounded, but most shoppers, like myself, refused to listen, insisting that all Houts needed was a restructuring. Cut the fat that drove up the lease price: the grocery department, the furniture department. Sink resources into updating its houseware and hardware department. These would surely fix the impeding disaster. Instead, the buisness abruptly desided to close, not willing to fight the fight against Lowes, Walmart and Target anymore. This leaves 1 independant hardware store in the country, and 1 small chain hardware store. There is no longer any indy hardware to be had in the town of State College.

How could we have let this happen? We chose low prices and bulk quantity over quality and knowledge. Howts was alone in selling A-1 grade plywood, alone in selling only brands it believed in. Houts had a lumbar yard bigger than an airplane hanger, and ninety percent of their midgrade lumber was better than Lowes’ best. At Lowes you manhandle impossibly heavy chunks of wood from percarious stacks, and bang them into place on your cart. At Howts they told you which lumber was best for the job, cut it, loaded it, and secured it if nessesary. For all of this they charged a fraction more than Lowes, and provided better storage conditions, quality, service and knowledge. We traded that in for a store so big and uncaring that it has blemished our land with a gigantic abandoned concrete box and acres of weed growing parking places.

Walking into Howts was like walking into 1965. The dusty shelves housed replacement parts for flashlights (Lowes just sells new flashlights), 6 colors of duct tape, individual screws and nails, a plethora of American made tools, all manner of fasteners that the average person would never find a use for, Radio-Flyer wagons, shovels with only wood handles, Buck knives, Lodge frying pans. You could get anything at Houts, it seemed, even good service. Looking for a willing sales person at Lowes is like looking for the Holy Grail. You might really want to find it, but it’s trying hard not to be found. Help at Howts was as easy as walking down the stairs and looking vaguely lost. You needed the help: Houts employed an organizational system based this line of thinking: lets put the garage sale signs here, and well, you’ll probaly need a hammer to get that in the ground, let’s put those next to it, and while you’re out in the yard, you might wanna rake those leaves, so let’s put a tarp for leaf collection next to those hammers. In short navigation was like finding Hawaii without understanding the concept of Longitude: sketchy at best. Luckly, there was an old, knowledgable sales person in every department, with a keen and knowing eye for those unfamiliar with the hardware store waters. After they showed you what you were looking for, they would kindly remind you that you forgot that those bolts need nuts, or that switch that you just asked for actually only works on a Sears brand lamp from 1983; you really need switch Y, over here.

They knew how to cut keys at Houts. I’ve heard more than a few converstations between the key cutter and a guy needed a key recut that went like this: ‘Well I had it cut at Walmart, and then I took it home, and the key didn’t even begin to fit.’ and the Houts key cutter would sigh and say this happens all the time, and proceed to cut it in less than 30 seconds. Perfectly, like it was thier job. Because it was. But not after January 11th.